There are a few reasons I decided to write this book … now
One) he always threatened to take my family away if I told anyone.. he said I would never see them again.. one way or another, if I even tried to tell anyone the truth. He promised that he would convince them I was crazy and insist they would not believe me… and because he has already started planting those seeds in preparation for the day I finally could hold on to this secret no longer.. he has already caused me to lose my family. I am now the “black sheep” of the family and no longer in contact with anyone.. therefore.. I have nothing left to lose.
Two) because of the stress of my recent loss… I have been thinking of ways to tell my family the truth.. in that immense pondering, I had a dream… and my dream was not as promising as Dr Kings… but, it was as exciting.. I dreamt that I set up a camera & recorded him one last time assaulting me and saying all of the horrible things he has said to me over the years. When I first awoke.. I was actually considering doing this… I wanted my family back so bad that I was considering subjecting myself to rape one last time to make it finally end and simultaneously have the proof needed to get my family back. However, I realized this was a crazy idea… so crazy that it could be added to my story & instead of writing a depressing memoir that ended with… “and now me and my daughters live alone in WV, isolated from our entire family and no one knows my secret bc I’m trying to protect all of the people I love”, I could write an exciting and gripping fiction that included many real events, organized in a way that made more sense (ie-instead of the sick, single mother living on her own while the healthy daughter, her husband and two children live at home with my mother… the fictional version :: in order for it to be believable :: would have the daughter living at home, be the sick one) and the fictional version could have the twisted ending I could only dream up and wish for as a proper ending to a tragedy such as my own.
Three) lastly and perhaps most importantly… I am writing this story.. because I am a WRITER.. I am writing this story NOW… because I have lived in silence for so long it has halted and stopped my life. Not only am I unable to write… I cannot date.. I do not see any friends… since this has happened to me and I was forced into silence.. I have become a shell of the human I once was and after losing my family this past Easter at the hands, or should I say, at the shouted words of my attacker… and my family’s instant support of him… I knew… the time is now. I am going to die if I don’t speak up.. speak out and let this truth be told. Even though, he told me he would kill me..,. Literally KILL ME… if I told anyone… what he didn’t realize is that the silence has already killed me.. I am not dead, yet.. but, I am also not living… so… the time is NOW!!
Ps~ I obviously added that last part so that you all would know… if I randomly die in the next few months/year at what appears to be a random “accident” please make sure that someone investigates it thoroughly because he did promise to kill me… I obviously want and need to live for my daughters and that is why I am so terrified for this truth to come out.